I find it incredibly, incredibly, incredibly shallow.
1. The Groom's 'Qualities':
The man has to list down his salary (even the breakdown is necessary in some cases), any investments, details on a flat/plot he owns, the rent he might get out of it, his future intent to purchase and invest in other things, etc. His worth is pretty much reduced to the salary he is drawing and I find that ridiculous (the men can feel free to elaborate on this, this is my perspective so far).
Nice guys with interesting stories but with a low pay package will not be preferred.
2. The Bride's 'Qualities':
The woman is expected to send across her best looking photo where she looks pretty, slim and fair. I'm not kidding you, a friend's outfit was picked smartly by her family for patterns and colours that made her look thin, had her face caked with makeup, and she ended up looking at least 5 shades fairer than her actual skin tone. In addition, the woman might be expected to give up her career and/or relocate to where the groom works. She should also list down her expertise in various domestic duties. Her worth is reduced to how physically attractive she is, and that's despicable.
Fun, intelligent, career oriented women, but not what society would term 'pretty' will not be preferred.
3. 'Meeting' the Bride:
The whole groom's family coming to the woman's house and interviewing her as a family is freakishly scary. She gets quizzed on her education, employment, and is asked to showcase her talents. A friend had to dance in front of a random family of 12 people to show how 'marriageable' she was.
I wish I were kidding. :/
4. "You've met him twice now! Of course you're ready to get married!":
To top it all, parents think if the man and woman go on 2 -3 dates, they would understand each other completely and then they can spend their lives happily ever after.
Seriously, how can you make a decision of selecting the partner you want to spend the rest of your life with in just a few dates? (sometimes, it's not even that, it's even fewer meetings, and only in the presence of the families, and in many rural areas in India, partners meet each other only on their wedding day)
5. Diving from Honeymoon Period to Marriage:
And, and, in all those meetings of the partner and their families, you're going to be on your best behaviour, and everyone will generally consider you very likeable. But what happens when the honeymoon period passes? Those are real things you need to look into. I know of at least 4 marriages where the guy has come to India for a 3-week vacation from his job in the U.S., seen a girl, got engaged, got married in the second week, wrapped it all in the final week and went back to the U.S. The girls stayed back, either to live with his family, or applied for their Visas to join their husbands. This is a guy they've known for 3 weeks. Literally.
Of course, we can say that we're shallow when girls want a rich boyfriend and guys want a hot girlfriend in daily examples too, but that's still a personal preference. These things may/may not change as the relationship grows or may not apply at all if you get attracted to someone who doesn't possess those qualities. But in arranged marriages, these are prerequisites.
I knew guys who liked a couple of girls they met through the marriage broker, but their mothers rejected them because they weren't fair enough. Even if there is space for change of the shallow prerequisites, we're ensuring that it doesn't happen.
And ugh, the idea of your picture and profile being printed on a monthly book and a website that lists ALL your details like place of work, salary, where your parents work, their salaries, details on your siblings, their marriage/employment status, etc. bothers me. A lot. It's not like online dating profiles where you could list interests and test compatibility. Here, it's filled with enough details for even the most shallow marriage to take place. Salary and photographs are all there is.
Also, the whole dowry thing and bride's-family-funding-the-wedding thing is quite prevalent in India, even in the higher economic strata. Though it's found across both love and arranged marriages, it's almost expected in many arranged marriages.
Yes, there are plenty of successful arranged marriages who have their love stories and I have nothing against couples who have arranged marriages, it's just not a school of thought that I subscribe to. Spending 3 dates with me and 3 years with me are two completely different things. It's the shallowness of the ordeal and the way the men's and women's self esteem gets attacked repeatedly by not just the partner, but by their families as well, that makes arranged marriage something that I just can't wrap my head around.
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